Sunday, 10 April 2011

Meet the team

Tristan Spurr, known as the strongest technical rider in Canada, when everyone else is out of the country. The president of AWI racing and half of the famed twins of the Monday Night Something crew has a list of successes in the cycling world including Tandem wins at Paris to Ancaster and 24 hour tag wins at Summer Solstice. The mighty T doesn't like doing things alone. 2011 Has Tristan attempting to scare the shit out of the road racing scene, call the ambulances now.

Andrew Watson,owner and V/P of AWI, because of contract rules can't officially race for his own name sake but has promised to flash the team jersey at a World Cup. Is know to be faster than his hair and creepier than his mustache. Can be seen on billboard and videos through out the country and those aren't even the ones the cops have. Has dreams of following in Siskel and Eberts foot steps as a movie reviewer if this cycling thing doesn't pan out. Lucky for us he rides pretty good for a little guy. Closet team member

Liz Ross, jersey designer, treasurer etc etc. Know as Deathmarch Liz can you see why we gave her control of the money. Has the ability to make the strongest cyclist beg for her to slow down, there's a fast pace then there is LRP (Liz Ross Pace). The team's navigator, Liz has some internal gps that keeps us from being lost in the woods and eaten by cougars.

Jacob McClelland, the other half of the twins.  What he may lack in power he makes up in weight saving.  Only person who would take a dremel tool to an xtr shifter because it's to heavy.  Has been known to run down small children during the weekly race series. 
Brandon Parker, at 6 foot 20 or something massive Brandon is known for making trails wider as he rolls through with absolute grace. After many years of being unskilled he left the triathlon world to become a cyclist. Has the ability to break a bike just by looking at it and has more JRA stories than he should for his age. Riding for some random central Ontario bike shop, weak but is a closet team racer and will go into the light.
Scott Irwin, one thought, he may be piloting the plane you're in.  Scared yet?  Was asked nicely to sober up a bit before his lap by a bunch of guys drinking during a 24 hour race.  Has been trapped up in the land of moose and rednecks.  Well rested and well fueled for the race season.
Jeremy Simmons,old man Simmons, has more pins and screws in his right knee than the local hardware store. Lives in a house made of bubble wrap.   Has the best Just Walking Along story, so good he repeated it.  Has been taunted more than once by one of the members of the selection committee. Runs some bike shop that doesn't allow him to race in his true team colours. Closet racer, .

Tammy Simmons, rides to eat.  If her bike was made of chicken she probably wouldn't leave the house.  Only injured 7 children as she pushed her way through the line up for this picture.  Does the same for lineups with Santa and the Easter Bunny.  Can't officially race for the team, closet racer. 
Shannon Spak, yes that is a horse.  She rides horses faster than we ride bikes, she also runs faster for fun than most of the team does scared.  Turning to the dark side and will be seen running and more so riding in the flashy colours.  Yet another woman on the team to put shame in the boys during the winter training.
Matthew Spak, The old guy of the team, of course this doesn't mean he has much wisdom.  Doesn't ride that fast so compensates by doing really really long races.  Writes better than he rides and most times that's even in question.

Chris Wong, the only man who feels that the team kit doesn't have enough pink in it. Feels that looking fast is way more important than being fast.  Closet team member, closet something else????

Andrew Parry, although he has opted to live in the country known as Quebec he helps with the international presence.  Has been seen more at night than during the daylight hours.

Brenden Matheson, the only man who can smile and puke at the same time.  Would rather race in a pair of Daisy Duke shorts than a team kit.  Feels that everyone should dress like a super hero, even if you're not.

The selection committee

Starbuck, food works to bribe your way past this judge, of course after she eats your hand off your riding ability may be limited.
Rogue, the silent one, the young one.  Not much is known of this judge.  Potentially the decider.
Molly, has Nascar passed the best and speed check crashed the best.  Impress her with your technical skills and speed, you may get in.  Slow up and she will put you into the wall. 

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